Compatibility with others begins with ourselves. Harmonious relationships grow out of inner harmonies which are created from our willingness to approach challenges in this area of our lives as opportunities for personal growth.We are almost always required to change both our perception of self and our perception of the other in order to resolve difficulties in our relationship. This is a gradual process involving fundamental attitudes and life patterns, our most cherished realities. As we learn to attune with the Inner Self, we learn to see more clearly and to stabilize our emotions. The task is not easy, but is well worth the effort. let us begin with a period of meditation on a particular relationship you are currently involved in that is inharmonious in some way. First, it is important to search your own motives in the situation. Do you  truly want to create a more peaceful, harmonious relationship, or are you looking for a way to get even, to gain control, to manipulate? Are you avoiding the other person, resentful. combative, angry? Or, are you feeling powerless, defensive, inferior, helpless? The relationship will remain at an impasse until you let go of your old way of seeing and feeling. You must be willing to listen to the still, small voice within and accept the truth of what you know in your heart. This requires both honest self-examination, and then, the ability to forgive yourself and the other. Forgiveness allows us to learn from our mistakes, so the we can act with a renewed sense of responsibility and moral integrity to do what we can to help resolve the situation.

Second, it is important to assess the relationship on the basis of needs and expectations.We all have certain needs which are met within harmonious relationships,such as the need for companionship, for love given and received, for compassion, for recognition  and acceptance. we all know that when we live and work in harmony with others, we release creative energies to achieve greater goals than we are capable of alone. Relationships are jeopardized when we translate needs into unrealistic expectations. As adults, the two most common distortions are the result of expecting to be taken care of and/ or expecting one other person to be everything to us. Mutual trust, respect, and acceptance are best nurtured when we are willing to be responsible for our own needs; when we are willing  to be sensitive to the other person's needs; and when we are willing to risk vulnerability.

Often, we shut out all possibility for true, loving relationship because we allow fear to dominate our thoughts. feelings, and behavior. For example, imagine the other person in your mind's eye, and begin to talk to them. How are you assuming their response? Are either of you hurt, angry, defensive, fearful? Is there some way you can speak to them so that  they will respond in a more positive way?Or,so that you can face then more  compassionately ?Do either of you have unrealistic expectations of the other?  what would your life be without them ? How would their life be different without  you ? In what ways are your lives connected? What is the context of your relationship? Is there a particular issue that causes tensions between you? Can you visualize a solution that will ease the tension? Are you willing to negotiate resolution?

Explore the relationship in your mind's eyes from as many different perspective as possible. Be aware that your relationship grow and change as you do. The more objective you become (the more you free yourself from fear), the more insightful and creative your thoughts will become. Gradually, you will be able to replace fear with feelings of self-worth, love, and compassion.

Finally, it is important to face your own loneliness. Only when we are willing to be alone, to commit ourselves to a relationship with  the master within, do we discover the capacity to love with a whole heart. Our sense of belonging to something larger than ourselves brings true emotional stability. Until we bring all our relationships into the context of our highest ideals, and dedicate our lives to the service of those ideals, we will not be effective in creating loving, harmonious relationships with others. Peace begins within each one of us and extends beyond us in an ever-expanding network of connections, dependent only on the strength of our commitment to spiritual realities.


Rev Dr Summers Nwokie

Theosophist , Priest ,Scholar and Author.